Please don't say a word, C. onegaishimasu !!
Thursday, September 25, 2008 ' 4:32 PM
SUPERNOVA
This is how i feel now. This is kinda getting a bit controversial. So, as effect of tomorrow, i will not post how i feel about C that frequently because firstly, it is getting very cliche already ( you already got tired of it already right?), and secondly, i want to stop deciphering what is on classmates' minds about the blog posts, especially on what C is thinking because this is making it harder for me to look into C's eyes, and if possibly, say anything to her, because this blog is generating too much unwanted attention lately.
So you might ask, "hey JaCk-san won't your blog be meaningless and uninteresting to read already?"
My answer will be ," Yeah, it's all 'those people' 's faults."
At the start when i first heard that laura thought she was C, i literally laughed till i drop. I never imagined such BHB girl exists. At the least, she could have read all of my archives before jumping to conclusions. Just let her cry man. Like i care so much, it wasn't my fault in the first place.
Then, i heard again today that 'Luffy' and laura quarreled because of this. I almost cannot stopped grinning at the back of the class and i had to cover my mouth with the paper. I cannot believe my simple blog has so much impact and cause so many things to happen. I thought it was SO fun. ( i guess i was a sadist)
But then i gave a deeper thought to this matter and i felt my heart kinda ache a little. Once again i do not know what emotion i m feeling, even now. Because it seems like everyone knows about it. (I didn't really quite expect girls to actually read this blog and take me seriously.) Then it would be quite impossible for C to not know about this since 'owner-of-diary' would have told 'Mark Ang' (the names i put in inverted commas are made up and they have a meaning in their representation) about what all this is about. Then C would avoid the perverted stalker who is yours truly, me.
I saw C's eyes today when she was looking in my direction (not possibly looking at me, maybe she was looking around or looking at the person in front or behind me).
However i couldn't decipher what those eyes show.
I did some soul-searching again because i want to see C's eyes again, and asked myself some questions. I asked myself why am i feeling this emotion?
And i said,"maybe i was too concerned about how people feel about me or even how C felt about me".
So the soul-searcher replied," So, why are you so concerned about how others feel about you? Is your reputation that important that you can't even finish a summary assignment in the 8 hours of school day today?"
I thought for a while, and told myself," I guess you're right, it doesn't really matter because. . . i don't have to know, i have no logical reason to. It's not like it is gonna affect my relationship with other people since there is none with those classmates that i don't really talk to, and friends whom i talk to most of the time don't really care also."
Soul-searcher says." Good, it's alright now, now that you know the girls in class is affecting your attitude, mood, determination and drive, you can coordinate your own emotions now."
LOL. Ok that above dialogue is crap. If you do not know who i was talking to or what i was doing just now, forget it. I am just talking to myself.
And that is settled. I thought i should change this blog's address by just removing the 's' at the 'dreams' part of the address then all bitches won't get all busybody.
But then, i changed my mind. ( not by doing brain transplant of course)
It was english extended-curriculum today. I hoped that Mrs.Chung would notice my improved essay writing and also that she would read my essay on "Foreign talents are assents to Singapore. What are your views?" but then she said she would read all the stories first. Oh man, i am afraid that i did not answered what the essay question required.
Oh well, they say the Old levels are coming soon, in like, less than 30 or 20 days? But then it will stretch for like until November, maybe because it's old?
Time is pressing but i treated as if the Old levels are over already. Time is even more pressing as soon, i won't see C on a regular basis anymore. I really regret i didn't have the courage to take a picture with her. I ought to kill myself for that, again.
Sleep with the trauma that kept you sleepless
