Tin Cyanide.
Monday, September 29, 2008 ' 4:33 PM
poison my heart with cyanide !
THIS IS HOW I FEEL NOW :
A WHITE FLAG !!
Yeah, i surrender. After so many posts of pep talks directed at myself in the blog, i in the end let myself and all the Classmates who supported me all the way ( though i can't tell if they are joking or not) by not following 'Pimple-smell' 's lead and tackle C ( you can't guess who Pimple-smell is unless i tell you, really ), not plunging down the stairs to Collide with her like a Comet after getting 'BigFighter2' 's encouragement, or even after listening to 'President' 's indirectly straightforward Comments.
I've gotta face the truth, i can only have the chance to confess to her during Prom Night. Now i can't because there are too many "obstacles".
Alternatively, i can practise with 'Mdm Chanel' on how to talk extensively. So i can be as talkative ( or loud, or 'fragrant' or bright. . . OH MY SENSES !) as she is.
BUT !
My feelings and emotions stay true, real and honest. I will never stop blushing or deny the fact that my heart raced, together with Louis Hammerton ( Haha ) , whenever i saw C, especially when she is facing my direction , as in today, i Can't bear to Continue doing my Bio worksheet because i have only less than 16 days to see C.
Now it is hard to deny that C does not know what's going on because i can tell from her eyes. I haven't had any eye ContaCt with her these days, though i saw C's eyes. Hmm, probably she's trying to avoid me? But seriously, I think i will a bit happier when she comes to me and tell me, " Can you please stop stalking me?"
Then i will know how she is feeling, not that i want her detest me though.
I don't know why i feel such strong electrostatiC forces from C. Probably she looks like a life-sized teddy bear?
Oh hey, i just realised i just wrote an extensive section about C, which i promised not to, like 2 posts ago? OH LIGHTNING! STRIKE ME NOW !
But i guess posting extensively doesn't matter much because i changed my blog address already, so the maybe only those who really read the whole of my posts will know this address, because if they don't read the post that i posted a while ago, they wouldn't know i wanted to change to this address. But i see the tagboard, some unknown people posted, so i guess it isn't working much.
I hope i am right about that, and i hope my sarcastic tone won't have a lasting impact on people.
Oh, and, i am not dead or fried yet from the lightning.
I just realised, over the weekends and went out to shopping malls and streets for a walk. I saw many lesbians around. Or so i think, because i can't just anyhow jump to conclusions right?
1 "girl" was lugging another "girl" 's hand and were quite intimate as i had observed.
I guess it is getting more accepted in society these days.
The first girl looks feminine and has hair that is exactly like C's and give off a feminine aura like C. Then i just realised i got quite a fetish for les people.
My heart stirred a little when i saw that picture, which was a screenshot from the anime Rozen Maiden. Oh, and they are twin sisters though.
OH MY GOODNESS i need to change a little, i am not going to become a bi.
Ok, i was just kidding. I will stay true to C, even if she,touchwood, is something like i described previously. Seriously!
Which reminds me, today at 3am i went to the washroom to do some business. Then i saw my own reflection , i felt the reflection was so grotesque that even i myself was had goosebumps and the shivers. Seriously ! But maybe i wasn't really 'conscious' or awake, however i think my reflection reflected my own monstrosity as in how i had changed recently.
Alright, changing the subject a little, i kinda laughed when i saw the essay writing topics that Mrs.Chung gave recently, because i keep seeing the word : "he/she". Then i thought of 'Sherman', and then the way she sits...
Oh, my goodness, i would rather look to the right. I guess only TingKang knows what i mean in the previous sentence....
Sleep with the trauma that kept you sleepless
