Huh? Who am I? What am i doing here? What is this place??
Thursday, October 9, 2008 ' 4:26 PM
Oh yeah, SPECIAL MENTION : I want to thank TingKang for selling me your nokia phone for the price of 1 yellow M&M peanut choco packet. It really save me alot, alot of hassle and trouble and woes.
Oh and, i just realised, you can scroll the thing left and right for that column at the side...
ARGH !!! I CAN'T SEE C IN CLASS ANYMORE !!!! OUCH !! MY MIND HURTS !! SALVATION PLEASE !! !!
Yes, you guessed it. Today is the end of the world. My world that is. This is what i call, the "Apocalypse".
I never had any conversation with C or even say "hi" to C today, as always. That was kinda pathetic, for the day of the end of the world, where my Crushing days are over as i can't be struCked dumbfounded by C's enChantment anymore in class. Oh, man i guess switching seats with TingKang today in class isn't enough.
Today, i kinda wasted 2 chances. The first, being at Chemistry lesson where Miss Chin, along with Ms Low, bid an official farewell to us. That farewell was simply a photo-taking session. When Ms.Chin asked ," EH, any more want to take photos??" , i thought of raising my hand and shout ," MEE !! MEE !! I take with C...... . . .!!!" , but i foolishly hesitated. I kept thinking of what are the complications, what kind of plan will i adopt, how do i explain myself so that my motives will not have much serious impact, how should i react to the classmates' reaction to my actions, and so on.
And i got Sandman, a.k.a. Dinie's "slight" encouragement at that time too.
But i hoped i smiled well when i posed for the rest of all the photos during the photo-taking session, because i don't want the class photo 2008 thingy to happen to me again.
( I just recalled, Ms. Low wrote on her farewell note to me. And part of it was : " I remembered the Elementz you guys took part in. You were then a responsible student."
I gotta emphasize on the part of "You were then a responsible student." I got kinda, hmm i don't know how i felt then when i saw this comment.
I guess i was over-sensitive to hidden meanings. I WAS THEN a responsible student???
So i am not now? Now i don't have any good points to be mentioned as a student???
And i don't think i was responsible then too. Maybe i was serious in BB then, so i naturally led the team.
Damn i should have asked her about that when she gave me that note in class today.
But then it is also possible that she don't mean it.
As, for the second chance, during the VE lesson at the afternoon there is a mini-game that Mdm. Chong played with us. We all, except Mdm. Chong herself, pasted a piece of paper on our backs and asked classmates to write our good points on that paper. Nat said he will write the word "cynical" on my paper.
I said , "Anything."
But then i told TingKang that cynical roughly means : a person who believes that only selfishness motivates human actions and who disbelieves in or minimizes selfless acts or disinterested points of view.
Which indirectly told him that it is a bad point and he did not read that "good" point out when Mdm. Chong requested it.
But then it isn't his fault. Sigh.
Oh wait, now that i had thought about this, this second chance isn't a big deal because it won't have any impact since there are many slow people in class who can't guess hidden meanings.
Oh and that thing about Mdm. Chong's VE lesson, after that mini-game there was a debrief. And she said that we gotta take the initiative and not wait for someone to tell us to do it, so we can achieve our things. Though there don't seem to have any link to that mini-game, i think she was referring to me...
I kept thinking of plans to try to get close to C and also all the complications till i got scared of myself and missed all those chances and cannot get to know C more. Maybe i gotta blame it on my C personality type of the DISC personality types.
I have to take initiative. But you know, said is easier than done. I feel fear.
Fear isn't a good word since it doesn't have any letter "C".
And then it was time to eat KFC with Sick Nat and company and also Kaisheng plus Yew Hwang too, and not forgetting that group of 4/3 girls ( i forgot who ) opposite our table.
I ate Colonel there.
I screamed "Wth" when i saw what i ordered amounted to about $8. It was a shrooms burger, popCorn ChiCken, pepC Cola, Chilli sauces, and Cheese Fries.
( that shrooms burger was kinda extra since it doesn't sound with a "C", start with "C" or have a "C" in the spelling )
My appetite wasn't affected when Nat and company started saying sick stories like one that featured Winston or Mrs.Veda ( Yanloon was retarded enough to come out with the Mrs.Veda one)
It was affected when the 4/2 people came in. And i didn't see who exactly that guy called Minguan was.
Oh, the Climax? I think it is when there was an extra spicy chicken passed to our table from the 4/3 girls' table. And somehow,i was chosen to eat that leftover.
And luckily, no one had biten on it yet.
Then i heard someone said ," EH, Jack-san, do it for C" or something like that.
Instinctively or on purpose, i gobbled up that chicken. It kinda sent quite a message to those girls. I wonder what are the Consequences for my actions.
And now, it's time to thank Tingkang again. Yesterday afternoon i asked if he had any spare phone. He said yes. And i said YAY !!
Coincidentally, that Filipino lady ( she sounded like a maid, refering to me as "Sir" for so many times till i got irritated ) from Samsung called me ( through my mum's phone) and said my phone was badly corroded and needed $120.09 to repair it.
I felt like screaming at her , " GO TO HELL LAH YOU WANT ME TO PAY 4 TIMES THE AMOUNT OF THE PHONE'S ORIGINAL PRICE TO REPAIR THAT DAMNED LOUSY ( though indispensable) PHONE???!!!"
But, i controlled, and i imitated her tone and told her she could live...
Ok, i was just kidding. I controlled myself, and imitated her tone and told her i won't be repairing it.
I plan to leave my Samsung phone there.
Oh great, now that i have Tingkang's spare phone.
( But my life isn't complete anyway, because school had ended, i can't see C anymore.)
That phone is kinda great because it has a mini-usb slot to connect to this computer and also a microSD slot to put in my memory card that was once in that LOUSY Samsung phone.
It's camwhoring + narcissism time ! The phone came just in handy. It has a front camera too!! I need to overcome my emotional wound caused by seperation by taking pictures of myself. ( not nude ones of course.)
You will see pictures of myself for almost all the posts the next time, i think.
An example would be :
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So you won't miss my handsome face anymore...
About tomorrow's Farewell assembly, i don't know if should get something for the class, since it seems like almost everyone is buying something like snacks for everyone.
Oh, i guess i will get the addictive Jack-san's wasabi peas that everyone enjoyed for everyone. Oh maybe i will provide free tissues for everyone also.
Speaking of addiction, i find it impossible to stop my addiction, my Cynical addiction. I can do nothing about it, in both ways too. I can do nothing to stop myself from going crazy when i cannot see C anymore. I can also do nothing to get this addiction further by getting to know more about C. So, you can say i can do nothing about it in both ways.
I can't help but keep thinking that i was such a failure. I didn't felt such intense sense of failure before when got an F9 for my E.maths last year, which was supposed to be easier than A.maths.
Yes, i think i will cry tomorrow. Who's with me?
Sleep with the trauma that kept you sleepless
